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Hypnotherapy: Winning in a 'no-win' relationship

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Contributed by: Sheri Neuberg on 8/8/2007

'I try so hard to make them happy. I have given up who I am just to make them love me. Nothing I do is ever enough. He/she never listens to me. I have to do everything in our relationship. It seems that no matter what I do, it's not right. I'm so frustrated, I don't know what else to do anymore..." Sound too familiar?

Often, as children, we learn very quickly to put our own feelings and needs on hold. We learn to second guess the needs of the adults around us, as a way of ensuring our own survival.

Our own emotional suppression leads to frustration and eventually acting out. We ultimately feel ashamed when we begin to feel or desire anything for ourselves, and as a result, we do not give ourselves the permission of self expression.

Eventually we become so detached from ourselves that we are not even sure what it is that we want to express. Instead we become the caretakers of everyone around us, because that is how we learn to feel that we matter. We grow up too quickly and take on responsibility for everyone in our environment.

Now, fast forward into adulthood. This is the same mindset that we take with us as we venture out into the world. We take on everyone else's problems. We try and fix things. And when they don't listen, or it doesn't work out, we become frustrated, angry and eventually, even punishing.

The burden is a heavy one and we don't even recognize that we are doing it! These are the patterns that seem to surface over and over, in all of our relationships and we are miserable.

The answer lies, of course, in allowing others the responsibility of their own response.

This sounds simple, but is it really?

You believe the world functions in a particular manner and you know how to cope accordingly.

This belief, or life script, is the very one that you develop from birth. It develops as you learn to see the world and yourself in it, through the eyes of the adults around you. But those are flawed eyes.

Those of are the eyes of people who come from their own set of unrealistic expectations and flawed perceptions. So you start early on to try and please them. You second guess. You take on responsibility for their happiness and welfare.

But enough is never enough because no matter what you do, or don't do, they are who they are and your efforts will not change them. But you fail to figure this part out.

And so you continue to apply this behavior to your adult relationships as well.

Becoming aware of this fact is very liberating. But how to go about giving yourself the permission to express yourself now, when it is completely against your innermost beliefs to do so?

Hypnotherapy is the key. Using the very effective tool of hypnosis, we are able to change the belief that governs the silent compulsion to repeat these undesirable patterns of relationships.

We unlock the vision of a different future in which we give ourselves the permission of expression. We release the need to take on the responsibility of those around us and we begin to allow them to be responsible for their own responses.

We finally become 'self-first' and in so doing, give up the burden of others.
The frustration, the anger and the acting out, cease.

Consider giving yourself the gift of hypnotherapy - the gift of freedom to be your authentic self. Become a winner, finally in "no-win' relationships.

Sheri Neuberg is a Certified Hypnotherapist, graduated from Hypnosis Motivation Institute and holds a B.A. in Psychology from UCLA
Contact Information:
Tel: 323-691-6375 Email: SNeuberg@charter.net www. HypnoSheri.com
Offices: 18607 Ventura Blvd., Suite 310, Tarzana, Ca. 91356 and Calabasas

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