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YourHub.com \\ The Valley \\ Stories \\ Health \\ Advice

Relationship "Fix"

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Contributed by: Regina Kartman on 4/10/2007

Every day in my office I see a client enter with a request to "fix" the other partner. Almost every relationship or partnership can be improved provided both partners are willing to work on it, with few exceptions: addiction, adultery, abuse.

The emotional toll of a bad relationship, immeasurably affects the health of all people involved. Life is stressful enough with its problems at work, traffic, child rearing, etc. The relationship between those who love one another, who share dreams, bed, bank accounts should be a soft place to fall at the end of the day when coming home.

When a couple has a fight, it affects every aspect of their day. How often do we encounter someone who is in a bad mood and assume it is after they have had a fight with a spouse?

In our world divorce is too easy. But is it always necessary?

When I work with a patient, I ask him or her, "How would you feel if you lost your partner to a tragic accident?" The horror I see in patients' eyes tells me that the love is still there. Sometimes a patient comes to therapy too late, but the fact that even one is in therapy shows hope for the relationship.

It is said, "It takes two to tango," but what happens if one stops dancing? Dynamic changes-different dance! What happens if one partner changes an attitude, response or behavior? The relationship changes as well.

Most couples have no idea how to do that. An experienced therapist becomes essential. A good therapist does not take sides, but explains the behavior. Therapy gives a patient objectivity. Objectivity gives direction.

For singles, therapy is also important. Millions of dollars are spent on finding the love of your life, but most people do not know how to make that attraction or chemistry grow into a relationship of their dreams. It's hard enough to find the right person, even harder to make it work. My single clients are the best example of the success of their therapy when they send me an invitation to their weddings.

To build a good relationship takes work on oneself, not just "fix my spouse" approach. There have been thousands of books written and read on the subject. It's not a substitute for one-on-one therapy. The responsibility to each of us is to bring a best, healed self into any relationship.

Regina Kartman, M.A. is an Hypnotherapist in private practice in Encino, CA and holds a Master's Degree in Psychotherapy. (818) 905-8344

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