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Blog Entry 19 of 20 Tarzana Housewife Trials and Triumphs

Life is a balancing act and full of discovery. This is my journey. Kids, work, husband, friends, relatives, school, the house, the dog, strangers, our community, the world, and, oh, yeah, me!

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Focus on the positive side

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Contributed by: Kathleen Melton on 10/8/2008

"Why does everyone focus on all the bad things we are doing to the environment?" Kamden, my 9-year-old son, asked me at dinner one evening. "Why can't we focus on the good things we do?"

His question made me pause. He had a valid point that reminded me of an example of how our thoughts affect our perception. Let me share it with you.

Close your eyes for a moment and don't think of the color green. Don't think of the color green. Don't think of the color green. Don't think of the color green. Don't think of the color green. Look up. What do you see?

Most likely your eyes targeted in on that which is green. Because how and what we tell ourselves to focus on affects what we actually do focus on. You were not supposed to think of the color green.

But you did because of how I told you to stay away from it. Rather than saying, "focus on blue, focus on blue," I told you NOT to focus on green. But what did your mind concentrate on? Green.

The same is true for our kids. If we tell them everything that is wrong, they will think about the wrong. Truly, we want them to notice what is right. So we need to celebrate what they are doing well; we need to celebrate what we are doing appropriately as parents.

I personally know that it is often easier to go to the negative. But I also know that my thoughts manufacture my perceptions, which create how I feel, which, in turn, produce my actions, which finally generate my results.

To simplify, what I choose to focus on and what we help our kids focus on is ultimately what we bring into our lives.

My goal as a parent is to focus my kids' attention on their positive behaviors and actions. If they go awry, I try to steer them in another direction by praising what they do right.

That Kamden realized and was deeply affected by the pessimistic focus of this subject at school, at the tender age of nine, breaks my heart for him. He noticed a negative way the world works. He also noticed that that way of thinking did not resonate for him.

This moment with my child has made me want to change how I work within our world all the more. I don't ever want him to stop focusing on the positive, on the gifts that each situation offers.

Sometimes it is as easy as shifting our language from a "not" to a "do." In the case of our environment, it is more complicated, but we can focus on what we are actually doing to change it, how others are helping, and the resultant positive effect on our world.

This positive energy will create more positive energy and that, in turn, creates constructive change.

So let's focus on that. Use your reusable grocery bags. Recycle. Conserve. Use what you have. Plant native plants. Look into alternative energy sources. And make sure that the energy you are giving off in your daily life is positive, for ultimately that is what will determine the outcome of our personal and global worlds.

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