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Blog Entry 18 of 20 Tarzana Housewife Trials and Triumphs

Life is a balancing act and full of discovery. This is my journey. Kids, work, husband, friends, relatives, school, the house, the dog, strangers, our community, the world, and, oh, yeah, me!

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Save it for good

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Contributed by: Kathleen Melton on 9/15/2008

"You can't wear that dress," my mother used to tell me, "you have to save it for good." "Don't use those dishes/glasses/pens/whatever, save them for good." And finally, "No, you can't borrow that, I'm saving it for good."

Well, by the time 'good' rolled around, nothing ever fit and/or it was out of style, or worse yet, lost in the bastion of piles of 'good' things that crowded every closet. Every drawer. Every cupboard.

And why wasn't today good enough? Why isn't this moment, now, good enough? What am I saving it for? What was she saving it all for? As though some moment in the future is going to be that much more precious than this one? Evidently.

And I am still waiting for it, so that I can wear my new dress. And shoes. And coat. And sign my checks with my fancy pen.

This is a belief, a meme, that I fight and literally have internal conversations (battles) with myself over nearly everyday. I know where it comes from - my childhood. Specifically, my mother.

Always being told to save things for good, for special occasions. And yes, as a child and even as an adult when I visited, pulling out my parents wedding china once a year and setting a beautiful table for Thanksgiving was a special occasion.

It was also the only day of the year that a complete meal was ever cooked in our household, so yes, it was momentous, indeed. It also led to over eating, and an intense avoidance of all the dishes that all had to be hand washed because "they'" don't make "good" dishes that can go in the dishwasher.

And even though it was an event, a "special" day, no "good" clothes were worn, because we were just at the house cooking, and eating and cleaning. And you wouldn't want to waste your 'good' clothes or shoes on that. Would you?

As an adult, I've become accustomed to fine things. I like designer clothes. And shoes. And furnishings. And technology. I find stuff I like everywhere - from estate sales to department stores, from small boutiques on Ventura Boulevard to Target, from eBay to Craigslist.

It doesn't matter to me where I shop, as I like to mix it up. I discriminate only on the basis of quality, craftsmanship, fabric and, ultimately, usage. But there are always those clothes, usually the ones I am drawn to the most, that I like the most, that invariably hang in my wardrobe, tags still on, week after week, waiting until the day comes that is good enough for me to wear them. It is so frustrating!

I have friends who buy something new and immediately rip the tags off and wear it the next day, or even the same evening. I am envious of this behavior - of this abandon.

For only if an item is purchased specifically for a significant occasion, like my wedding dress, for instance, (sigh, how sad is that ... that was 14 year ago) do I ever wear something immediately. And then, in the instances such as this, never again.

Recently, I bought three fabulous Hale Bob dresses to wear during the summer. They were moderately expensive dresses - three to four hundred a piece. I didn't pay that, of course, but that is another article. They are beautiful and colorful and made of silk with beautiful detailing.

So why haven't I worn them? It's nearly the end of summer. How much better does it get than a hot day or warm evening in the middle of July to wear a beautiful summer dress? It doesn't get any better.

But for some reason that just isn't "good" enough. Again, I ask, "What am I saving them for?"

I present my problem to my dear friend, Jessica, who wears what she wants when she wants and tries her hardest to knock the lid off my jar of possibilities.

Her take on my dilemmas always inspires me. "Just put it on ... wear it grocery shopping if that is where you are headed! You love it, wear it! That's enough!"

This is the retort I now hear in my mind every time I choose not to wear the dresses. The thought of "dressing up" to wander through the produce aisles with my kids is so ridiculous it always brings a smile to my face. And one day, I will actually do it ...

Today, I dressed up for work. True, I work out of my home in a home office, but, today is a good day (not a sweats and/or pajama day), and I'm wearing new shoes and one of my new dresses.

And later, I will be going to the grocery store in the same clothes - if for no other reason than someone needs to see me in it because I actually took off the tags and put it on.

"Saving it for good" puts off for tomorrow joy that I could be experiencing today. This day is "good." This moment is "special." And from this minute forward, I will strive to live in the present, with the awareness that what (and whom) we adorn ourselves with, surround ourselves with, and populate our lives with, ultimately creates our mindset, our experience, our life.

And dammit, mine will be in fabulous clothes, sipping from my china and writing with my special pen - this is the moment I've been saving it all for and I will live it fully now, no longer putting it on hold, no longer "saving it for good."

©2008. Kathleen Melton.

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Submitted By: Michael Gerber

posted on 10/9/2008 @ 4:17:12 PM

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Great blog. I would bet that a lot of readers identified with you. I sure did. Maybe it's cultural....or generational. Early in our marriage we became friend with two men that imported antique silver from England and fine French linens. When they travelled, we house-sat for them. Guess what? Their everyday STUFF was all fine antiques. The coffee pot, cups, dishes, furniture. Their attituide was 'what's the point of having it if you don't use it.' I am sure that we still have a few items that we only pull out on special occasions. But not much and I think we owe it to them. My question for you is what did you wear to the grocery store?

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Submitted By: alisa davies

posted on 9/15/2008 @ 8:04:13 PM

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I have experienced this issue myself, from my "good candles" to bath oils "too pretty" to use. I am so over that! My house and I both smell GOOD. Glad you are over it too.

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Kathleen Melton

Tarzana , CA

Kathleen Melton has posted 20 blog entries and 0 comments since joining on 8/31/2006. Kathleen Melton 's average blog rating is 4.96.

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