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Blog Entry 12 of 20 Tarzana Housewife Trials and Triumphs

Life is a balancing act and full of discovery. This is my journey. Kids, work, husband, friends, relatives, school, the house, the dog, strangers, our community, the world, and, oh, yeah, me!

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Win, lose, blame?

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Contributed by: Kathleen Melton on 12/23/2007

This is directed at the parent who yelled at the referee during the soccer game. The parent who sauntered across the field, yelling, "You will pay!" at the 10-, 11-and 12-year-old boys.

The parent who started yelling at the coach and parents of the opposite team.

This is directed at the coach who allowed a parent on his team to get away with that behavior, stopping the game and forcing our children to have to witness such appalling behavior.

This is to the coach who threw his clipboard, who in earshot of the opposing team, told the kids on his team that they lost only because the referee made bad calls. That they should have won the game, "if not for the referee."

This is for the parent who walks up and down the line screaming inappropriately at your kid and every kid, thinking that what he has to offer obviously out ranks that of the coaches.

To all these parents, I'd like to let you in on a secret: You are an embarrassment. Your kids are mortified - they do not think your behavior is cool. The parents around you - at least those who chose not to participate in your tantrum - are horrified. And most of all, you are doing your young athlete - your kid - a huge disservice.

In these games, as in life, there will be a winner and a loser. And as a microcosm for our world, in these games, as parents, it is up to us to teach our children how to cope.

No, it is not always fair. Sometimes, the better team, the better player, will lose. But that is reality. Should you blame someone? Why? It is what it is. It is the ref's job to call the game. Whether he does it to your liking is not really the point. It is his job, not yours. And the kids have to deal with it.

Telling your kids they lost because of bad weather, rotten field conditions, erroneous calls by the ref or because it just wasn't their day teaches them nothing. Let them learn to fail. Let them learn that sometimes the calls will not be in their favor. Let them learn to accept it and play on.

I grew up a competitive athlete, and one of my best friends' mothers would rip her apart after a meet if she didn't break her own records. It was embarrassing for me to witness and so demoralizing to my friend that she never talked about it.

The mother, of course, thought she was inspiring her young athlete to the next level. Truthfully, she was just shaming her.

As a parent now of two young athletes, I do cheer on the sidelines. I get involved and sometimes the games are very exciting and tense. Sometimes certain calls/coaching decisions/players irk me - on my team and the opposing team. But I cheer on. Not blame on. Not tantrum on. Not give excuses for what went on.

Our kids need to learn that there are winners and losers. And that they may/will be on both sides. And yes, sometimes it will be due to bad calls/field conditions/coaching/refereeing - but ultimately, it just is what it is. Win with grace. Lose with grace.

Let them learn the art of good sportsmanship. Let them learn to persevere, learn from it and grow from it. Let them learn that this is what life is like. And let them learn that you will cheer for them and love them - win or lose.

< Previous: 'What is 'grace?'' | Next: 'Political futures' >

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Showing 1-2 of 2 comments

Submitted By: Jorge F Vargas

posted on 1/3/2008 @ 6:41:23 PM

Rated Blog Entry

ms. Kathleen, you are right on the mark. Shame on those parents who are destroying their childrens character in this way.

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Submitted By: jerry pennington

posted on 1/2/2008 @ 6:19:58 AM

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KATHLEEN, THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS, I HAVE BEEN A YOUTH SPORTS OFFICAL FOR 46 YEARS, AND ON 1/17, I WAS ASSUALTED BY A FEMALE PARENT ON THE FIELD DURING A JR HIGH FLAG-FOOTBALL GAME. SHE CAME ONTO THE FIELD AND STARTED SHOVING ME BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT THE CALL WERE GOING AGAINST HER TEAM. CALL ME AND I WILL SEND YOU PICTURES. JERRY PENNINGTON 818 780 5068 jpofficatting@sbcglobal.net THANK YOU

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Showing 1-2 of 2 comments

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Kathleen Melton

Tarzana , CA

Kathleen Melton has posted 20 blog entries and 0 comments since joining on 8/31/2006. Kathleen Melton 's average blog rating is 4.96.

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