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Blog Entry 9 of 20 Tarzana Housewife Trials and Triumphs

Life is a balancing act and full of discovery. This is my journey. Kids, work, husband, friends, relatives, school, the house, the dog, strangers, our community, the world, and, oh, yeah, me!

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Manners, civility and charm, Oh my!

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Contributed by: Kathleen Melton on 9/28/2007

Manners. Responsibility. Respect. These are attributes that are important to me, and I believe, to our society. Attributes that I am parenting my children to accomplish. Attributes that I demand from others, even children. Attributes that hopefully you will demand from my kids and me (and that I hope we live up to).

Recently, I experienced a flash back into my own past as I received in the mail an invitation for my fifth-grade son to attend the Valley Cotillion.

Immediately, the pink dress and white gloves I wore to Cotillion in middle school flashed through my mind. I had not thought about Cotillion since I attended in the seventh and eighth grades.

For one reason or another, it did not even occur to me to look into it for my children. I suppose I figured it had fallen by the wayside. After all, who talks about sending their children to charm school anymore?

Cotillion, if you have never heard of it before, is a series of six semi-formal parties where etiquette instruction, good manners, social skills, graces and self confidence are taught to boys and girls in order to prepare them to handle any social situation with grace.

The dress is semi-formal - dresses, gloves and heels for the girls; suits, ties and dress shoes for the boys.

My son, Kendall, in a five-piece suit learning how to appropriately behave in a formal setting, dance with a girl, carry on a conversation with a girl or (gasp!) her parents, and knowing which fork to use?

I signed him up immediately. I excitedly shared this little rediscovery with other moms, and Kendall wound up with his best buddies from school attending Cotillion with him.

The boys - Nick Bodnar and Julian Gordy - are in fifth grade with Kendall and all were a bit reluctant at first. I tried not to talk about it much so as not to get any flack from Kendall at home, but when I received the five-piece suit I had ordered in the mail, I ripped it open and showed him what he would be wearing.

"Cool," Kendall said, inspecting the tie, vest, blazer, white shirt and dress slacks. "What shoes will I wear?" I couldn't have hoped for a better reaction.

The night of the first party, we all congregated at the Gordy residence. MB, Julian's dad, was the only husband available that day to help the boys tie a tie. Lesson number one. Check.

Kendall actually chose to wear a decorative handkerchief as well, something his friends immediately envied. They are all developing their own style and this was yet another way for them to express it - tie, handkerchief, and next party? A flower, for sure.

MB took the boys to the event while I, Cindy and Trish (the moms), though disappointed, headed off to back-to-school night where we proudly shared photos on our cameras of our little men.

"What is Cotillion and how do I sign my kid up," we heard this over and over. We had rediscovered a treasure.

"That was great! We learned how to properly walk a lady around. Here, let me show you." Kendall showed me in our kitchen when he got home that night. "And we learned three dances - the Waltz, the Patty Cake and another one. Let me show you."

He waltzed me around upstairs as I was trying to get him to bed. But he was too excited to sleep. "All the girls wore gloves, and to have a snack, they must take them off finger by finger. And I am supposed to let you lead the conversation."

Once again, he demonstrated his newly acquired knowledge. Somehow I don't think one-word answers, with me asking all the questions are what the instructors had in mind, but he is eager to go back and learn more. And that is a charming gift in and of itself.

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Showing 1-6 of 6 comments

Submitted By: cara segura

posted on 10/6/2007 @ 12:55:55 AM

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I would appreciate it if you could get back to me with more information so I myself can contact them, Thank you for sharing

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Submitted By: harold medina

posted on 10/4/2007 @ 10:50:19 AM

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Not only is this a great story, but it is also a wonderful concept . . . to get our youth to understand manners, repect and, most of all, resonsibility. My wife and I constantly preach "take personal responsibility for your actions." But it may take a program such as this to bring it to all of our youth. Where do we sign our kids up?

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Submitted By: Shari Palermo

posted on 10/2/2007 @ 6:48:44 PM

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I have been trying to locate the local cotillion for my daughters for several years, but had not been able to find anything. When I went as a girl I know you had to receive an invitation. I'm new to this whole blog thing, is there a way you can contact me to give me more information?

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Submitted By: Marion Green

posted on 9/30/2007 @ 4:51:41 PM

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It is so refreshing to know this still goes on....Kudos to the parents for encouraging the kind of behavior that will serve them well for the rest of their lives. Thanks for sharing!

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Submitted By: Jackie Houchin

posted on 9/30/2007 @ 7:38:41 AM

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Wow! I didn't know this existed anymore. And for boys, too! What a great story - I'm envious. You son, and the others will grow up to be one of the men I hope my granddaughters meet and marry. PS: I LOVE the loving note from your hubby as well, Kathleen. The only thing missing, is how/where to sign up for these Cotillion events.

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Submitted By: keith melton

posted on 9/28/2007 @ 9:46:56 AM

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The article is really great. It reminds me of things I used to do as a kid (though I never did Cotillion). It reminds me, once again, what an amazing wife you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life. Your Husband

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Showing 1-6 of 6 comments

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Kathleen Melton

Tarzana , CA

Kathleen Melton has posted 20 blog entries and 0 comments since joining on 8/31/2006. Kathleen Melton 's average blog rating is 4.96.

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