RECENT STORIES

Santa Clarita home to several premier events ( Laura Ullrich )
COC to host first non-profit fair ( Stephanie Corral )
'Care For Your Heart' offers free health screening ( Laura Young )
Golden Oak Adult School computer classes start ( Judy Taylour )
Pajama drive to help area's neediest children ( Marina Garcia )

share a story | more postings »

YourHub.com \\ Santa Clarita Valley \\ Stories \\ Valley Voices

BUILDING CONFIDENCE

e-mail to a friend | print this | link to this

Contributed by: Debbie Campbell ,Ph.D. on 4/15/2008

You might remember (from my prior E-zine admissions), that I'm an American Idol "junkie". One thing I have noticed is how important confidence is to success. For example, I believe contestant Brooke White is extremely talented. However, by her own self admission, she struggles with self confidence. You can also see this lack of confidence reflected in some of her comments about herself and about her performances (pre and post performance). Unfortunately, Brooke's lack of confidence may contribute to a premature departure and increased difficulty in forging ahead with her musical career. How does confidence (or lack thereof) play out in your life?

Confidence is crucial to success. If you don't believe in yourself, how can you hope others will see your talents and skills? So many times, we are afraid to talk about our strengths; clients tell me, "but that's conceited!" To acknowledge one's own strengths does not mean conceit, ie.," to have an excessively high opinion of oneself". Rather, true confidence is based on self knowledge and self appreciation. It is important to know and acknowledge your own strengths (this was the topic of my June 07 Ezine "Building upon Your Strengths". Feel free to email me if you would like a copy of that issue).

What does low self confidence look like? This is the person with head down, shoulders hunched, anxious laugh, self deprecating comments, and an inability to take in compliments. Remember that when we push away compliments, we are insulting the person who offered the compliment as well as indicating our own difficulty in accepting or taking in compliments. Many people need to practice accepting compliments. Practice smiling and saying thank you when given a compliment. Allow yourself to take in a genuine compliment and appreciate your own strengths and abilities.

Low self confidence is also seen in people who apologize for themselves in some way. They are typically other dependent for worth and value. They expect that others will find fault with them so they are prone to quickly point out their own faults and imperfections. It is uncomfortable to be around the self deprecating person as the listener feels he must jump in to reassure the person (and is also painfully aware of how low the person's self confidence is). While we all need "positive strokes" from others to some degree, that degree needs to be fairly minimal, more the "icing on the cake" since we are aware of our own value and worth.

Low self confidence gets in the way at work. We find ourselves not promoting as we could or should. In a sales position, we can't possibly be as successful without higher self confidence. As an actor or musical performer, you can't exhibit your best performance or allow others to see what you are capable of without the belief in yourself and your abilities which will propel you through the audition. Again, why should someone else invest in you when they can see that you don't believe in yourself?

TIPS TO BUILDING SELF CONFIDENCE
I have found that most people can use a boost in self confidence. Sometimes, the problem is more deeply rooted and pervasive however. Childhood experiences with overly critical or even verbally abusive parents usually result in low self esteem. In these cases, psychotherapy to work through these issues is indicated. Others just need tools to build and further develop self confidence.

How do we build self confidence? Most of you have probably heard me talk about my belief that success breeds success. One way to build self confidence is to take necessary risks, and then acknowledge and celebrate successes. Use your past successes and accomplishments to help propel you forward to new risks and new achievements.

Another important tool in building self confidence is to watch your self talk. Are you supportive, encouraging, and positive with yourself, or do you tend to point out what's wrong and therefore are more often highly critical of yourself? This negative critical inner voice will NOT help you build confidence. It is crucial to learn to be support for yourself, not a critic.

Take baby steps. Try things in smaller steps (the strategic plan from my book will help you with this). Pay attention to what you learn and tweak and re-tweak the steps until you achieve your goal. Remember to interpret attempts as to what was learned, not as failures. I guarantee you've learned something from just about everything! Watch the meanings you attribute to your attempts.

Keep a sense of humor and a sense of perspective. Even when things don't go as planned, it is likely not as catastrophic as we make it out to be at the time. Again, what did I learn and how can I move forward from this? Don't dwell in feelings of despair and worthlessness.

When faced with a challenge, write out the strengths, skills, and talents, as well as past successes that will help you achieve this challenge. Utilize your support system for extra encouragement, advice, and support. Prepare. Do the necessary reparation to increase your chances of success. If you are giving a talk, write out at least eneral ideas, and practice the talk. Visualize yourself successfully giving the talk.

Practice your affirmations. Affirmations increase your positive self talk and also allow for a positive energy (per the laws of attraction and "the secret"). "I can do this". "It's only fear". Affirmations will help you rise to risks and challenges.

A RECAP: TIPS TO BUILD SELF CONFIDENCE
1.) Take risks and learn from them. Let your successes build upon themselves.
2.) Utilize steps (even baby steps) for strategic planning.
3.) Know your strengths, skills, abilities, and past successes.
4.) Utilize and Practice affirmations.
5.) Develop a strong support system for EXTRA support and encouragement.
6.) Increase positive self talk and self-support.
7.) Practice taking in and accepting compliments.
8.) Practice, prepare, and visualize to increase your chances of success.

AN ACTION STEP
I challenge you to list and identify three strengths and three past successes which can help you achieve your goals. Make it happen. You'll be glad you did!

Ask A Coach
Q. How is coaching different from Psychotherapy?
A: Coaching focuses on specific goals and action plans. Support and Accountability are an important part of the process. Unlike Coaching, Psychotherapy addresses and works through childhood issues and trauma.

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENTS
APRIL BOOK SIGNINGS:
Hope to see you at Festival of Books! You'll get a special discount on books and/or affirmation cards (tell me you're on my Ezine list!)

WEBSITE RE-DESIGN
My website has been updated and redesigned; check it out!
www.successcoachingbydrdebbie.com.

DARE TO SUCCEED BOOK
My book "DARE To Succeed: How to Transcend Your Fears and Achieve Your Goals" is now available to order from my website and from Amazon; it will also hopefully be available soon in your local bookstores!

AFFIRMATION CARDS
A companion Product of Inspirational Quotes and Affirmations set to beautiful images is now also available on my website or through Amazon. These cards are designed to motivate, inspire, and increase focus to achieve goals. They can be posted where you can see and utilize them daily, and may also be used in meditation or journaling.

Emotional Intelligence Assessment Available
Have you ever wondered about your own level of Emotional Intelligence? This assessment (taken online in about 15 minutes) measures your strengths and areas of development in many areas including Impulse control, Stress management, Happiness, Optimism, Self actualization, Self regard, Assertiveness (to name a few of the 15 areas measured). You will receive a 17-26 page report of the results (depending on whether you select a Business Report or a Development Report) and a follow up coaching session as to how to develop an action plan to improve targeted areas. Call or email Dr. Debbie for more information.

Customized 360 Feedback Assessments
Many workplaces can benefit from customized 360 feedback assessments. These online assessments give you feedback from your boss, peers, and direct reports as to your job performance. The assessment is customized to reflect the duties and responsibilities of your job as well as the organizational priorities, culture, and values. Contact Dr. Debbie at (818)783-0328 for more information.

Relaxation/Empowerment CD Available
Dr. Debbie has recorded a CD to assist you with relaxation. Because it is semi-hypnotic, it is of course, Never to be used in a car. The CD also assists you in feeling empowered to achieve your goals. (A similar CD focusing on STRENGTHS/GOALS VISUALIZATION IS ALSO AVAILABLE.)

These CDs are about 13 minutes and on sale for Only $5.00 INCLUDING SHIPPING AND HANDLING.

If you would like to purchase this CD, go to the Products page of my website (www.successcoachingbydrdebbie.com) or contact me by phone (818)783-0328.

Myers-Briggs Assessment Available
Do you know your Myers Briggs type? This online personality assessment gives you important information about your preferences and characteristics in approaching life. Increasing your own self awareness as to your type can help you better identify suitable career directions and better manage your relationships. You will receive a copy of the results and a follow up coaching session as to how to develop an action plan to enhance areas of interest to you such as Communication, Conflict Management, Decision-making, and Managing Change. Myers Briggs training and assessment can also be used in organizations for team building, leadership development, communications training, and executive coaching.

I would love to hear from you with your questions, comments, ideas for future articles, etc. Email Debbie @successcoachingbydrdebbie.com.

Free consultation:
Call Dr. Debbie now for a free consultation as to how you might benefit from coaching. (818)783-0328.

Best wishes for your happiness and success!

[Report this as objectionable content.]

SUBMIT COMMENT

Rate the above story