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Blog Entry 26 of 51 Something to think about...

An occasional visit to things that make you go "hmmm..." opinions on life in the world close up and far away. By trade, I'm a community reporter covering Santa Clarita and Antelope Valleys for the Daily News, but can't help thinking outside the box sometimes...in the spirit of full disclosure, I'm involved with the Canyon Theatre Guild and Newhall Redevelopment, so history and the arts are pretty important to me. I'm open to discussions, suggestions, criticisms and compliments. I might not like what you say, but I'll defend your right to say it. Shall we?

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While things change, so many stay the same

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Contributed by: Carol Rock on 4/18/2007

While the world reels from the news of the shooting at Virginia Tech, a strange sense of déjà vu mixes with the disbelief. We've been here before. The numbers are higher, the shooter a different ethnicity and personality, but as we come together as a nation to mourn the loss of 33 lives, it's a sadly familiar feeling.

There will be weeks of talk about how this might have been handled differently, stories about the victims, several who have already been portrayed as heroic, many just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The life of the shooter, a young Korean man named Cho Seung-Hui, described as a quiet loner, will be examined and analyzed in the hopes that we will be able to head off another tragedy.

Some people might even look for someone or something to blame. I won't be one of them.

While more than 32 families mourn the loss of their loved ones; their children, spouses and siblings murdered in cold blood, one woman's plight simply breaks my heart.

The only news more horrific than hearing your child has been killed is to hear that your child was the murderer. To learn that he has also killed himself is unfathomable. There will be no closure, no explaining away the awful circumstances.

My heart hurts for Cho Seung-Hui's mother. News reports say that his parents were quiet, modest and hardworking, devoted to helping their son. They are parents, not miracle workers.

My deepest hope is that they are not persecuted for this independent act of their son. South Korean Foreign Minister Song Min-soon has expressed condolences on behalf of the country to the victims and worries about racial hatred and retaliation. We must be bigger than that; we must open our hearts to grieve and heal each other's wounds; the Cho family's as well as the 32 others whose lives were senselessly taken.

As parents, there are some things we can do to try and prevent a situation like this happening closer to home. The column reprinted below was originally published in The Signal newspaper on April 22, 1999, two days after the horrific shootings at Columbine High School. It is reprinted here with permission.

I wanted to emphasize the parallels between Columbine and Virginia Tech, as well as point out that while some things have changed, like our online community and citizen journalists getting the inside information faster than traditional methods could, some things remain the same.

It's the communication we have one-on-one with our children that makes a difference. The things we say offhand or in a heated moment that can come back and viciously slap us in the face. If we consider that our words can both shape their lives and be the last thing they hear, maybe we would be more patient, more tolerant and not as quick to judge or criticize.

The italicized quotes are taken from Associated Press reports of the shooting and are the words of the victims themselves. The others were spoken by parents of teenagers living in our community.

"Damn it. If that kid leaves the garage door open one more time, I'm taking away his keys."
"There was a girl crouched beneath a desk in the library and the guy came over and said "Peek-a-boo" and shot her."
"That drama teacher is so hard on them. She kept them late again."
As students took a math test, the door opened and a teacher staggered in, covered with blood. He was shot right in front of them.
"Why can't you be more responsible? Pick up your room. Do I look like your maid?"
"He was shot twice. In the back. My brother jumped over him to get out."
"I'm not going to make my child wear a uniform. That stifles their creative expression."
"You should be safe at school. This should be a safe place."
"No. I'm not getting up to give you a ride to school. You should have set your alarm."
"We were just sitting in the room, praying. Some people were crying. We were thinking, 'We're in here, come rescue us.' I heard a boy cry, 'Please don't shoot me,' then another voice, then a gunshot."
"I'm too busy to come to your game. Can you get a ride home with somebody on the team?"
"Our teacher was so awesome. She helped us so much, she kept such a cool head, even though she was going through the same thing. Her husband was a teacher in the next room and she couldn't get to him."
"I just don't understand your friends. They dress so weird."
"He put a gun to my face and said 'I'm doing this because people made fun of me last year.'"
"Don't bother me now, I'm watching my show."
"Her name is not on any list. They don't know where she is."
"Where do you think the money is going to come from? Get a job!"
A sign held up in the window read "Help. I'm bleeding to death"
"I've told you time and time again, the dishes are your responsibility. I'm sick of having to play cop."
"My sister. He went back to get my sister."
"If you were where you were supposed to be and doing what you were supposed to, this wouldn't have happened."
"I thought it was a prank for morning announcements. But when I saw how big the gun was, then I knew. I knew it had to be real."
"How many times have I told you, my messages are important. And is that phone permanently attached to your ear?"
"Somebody yelled, 'Everybody in the room leave now.' We thought it was a fire."
"I've been through more bomb drills than fire drills. We've all been taught to get down and stay down, because if there's bombs, there might be guns."
"They were just like 'We've waited to do this our whole lives.' And every time they'd shoot someone, they'd holler, like it was exciting."
"We have 2,500 students here at this school. Counselors can't spend very much time with each one."
"I wrote goodbye notes to my parents, my sister and my little brother, because I left before he got up ... 'I hope I haven't taken your love for granted ... I'm glad I was the one to go through this and not you ... I love you. I hope every time you hear this, it grows in meaning.'"
"We hardly ever see each other anymore, with our crazy schedules. It's a big deal for us to sit down to dinner together."
"It still hasn't sunk in. We hear Columbine High School and I think 'Whoo, hey, I go here.' I remember thinking 'I'm so glad I'm safe here.'"
"Bye honey, I love you. Have a good day at school."

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