by Pat Mora

Most people end up as caregivers without any advance warning or preparation for the role, according to Disaboom, the largest online community for people with disabilities. Instead, an accident or medical condition has created a situation where a loved one requires help.

A few daily activities may include: balance checkbooks, shop for groceries, give medications, assist with doctor's appointments, prepare food, and help with bathing and dressing. To some degree, helping a loved one just comes naturally. But because of that, many caregivers rarely consider the emotional, physical, and financial toll this new role may be taking on them.

Recognize that feeling overwhelmed is a completely normal, understandable reaction. Moving into a caretaker role means taking on a responsibility that many people may feel unprepared for and uncertain about. It's normal to experience a range of emotions, including some negative ones, as the caregiver transitions into this role. Don't feel guilty if feelings of sadness, fear, anger, or confusion arise. Things have changed, and caregivers have a right to react to those changes honestly.

Start a "questions" list. Get organized as soon as possible. This list becomes the starting point for taking control in the caregiving role, and lets the caregiver deal with the questions without being overwhelmed by them.

Figure out what help is needed. Caregiving is a team effort, with the caregiver as the team leader. Ultimately it's up to the caregiver to decide what help is needed and when. This may be ongoing medical help (regular doctor's office appointments, or in-home care, or coaching on administering meds), help retrofitting a home for wheelchair accessibility, help with weekly tasks such as meal prep and delivery, or simply back-up so regular mental health breaks can be taken. Every situation is different, but it's important to understand that all caregivers need help no matter how tough or strong or independent they may be.

Identify who can provide that help. Is it family, friends, professional providers, community organizations, local government agencies, or even church members? Many disabling conditions also have national organizations that provide information, resources, and a network of support that can help. Be sure to check the Disaboom Resource Center for associations that might be able to offer assistance. Don't forget to check with the local public library for "helping organizations" within the community.

Move toward establishing a daily/weekly routine. As a caregiver, it's easy to feel like life is out of control. The reality is that sometimes it will be, but it's a good idea to get a regular schedule in place for both the caregiver and the person being cared for. Routine is comforting and provides a sense of familiarity and security for both parties.

Caring for the caregiver. Caring for another person, even those most loved, can be as exhausting as it is rewarding. It's mandatory that the caregiver receive some breathing room. In order to protect the well-being of the person being cared for, it's essential to protect the mental, physical, and emotional health of the caregiver.

Focus on fitness. Caregiving can be stressful, and the body has some very definite ideas about responding to stress, none of them good over a long period of time. The antidotes are exercise, eating healthy, and doing calming activities like meditation or getting a massage.

Take steps to stay connected.Caregivers can easily begin to feel isolated; the effort to get out of the house and connect with others may seem to be too much. But it's important to your own mental and emotional health to keep the personal ties you have, or make new ones that support your new role.

As part of your staying connected, consider participating in one or more of the Disaboom forums, ask questions, answer them, and connect with others who share a similar situation. Also, blogging about your experiences is a great way to express ideas as well as emotions.

Find joy. Instead of wasting energy on anger and frustration, focus on cherishing those moments that bring joy. Life brings many moments of joy if they're not overlooked.

Visit Disaboom's comprehensive Caregiving Resource Section at disaboom.com to learn more about the art of caregiving including caregiving 101 and how to avoid burnout.