Recently, I was asked how was I doing and how was I holding up. Unfortunately, at that moment I was not able to answer that question. I was not sure what to say. It sounded like a casual question that deserved more that a casual answer. How could I express my feelings when I am facing the fact that my mother was slowly deteriorating in front of my eyes? All I could say was that I wished I could do magic, but I was so sorry that I was powerless and could not do anything to stop the cancer?

Two years ago my mother had surgery in Macedonia, where she used to live, after she was diagnosed with abdominal cancer. She recovered, and the cancer went in to remission. Unfortunately few months ago I was informed that some tests results showed possible metastases.

My mother is in California now. She lives with me and she is under ongoing treatment in Cedars Sinai Cancer Center. I am a member of temple Beth Emet, where the temple established Rachel's fund to help me and my mother. The "Rachel fund" is now permanent fund that will help cancer patients and their families. The fund will be available for all cancer patients, who, as my mother, are in need of proper medical care.

I could not have it done without the support from Rabbi Mark Sobel, and the members of the Temple Beth Emmet. When I do not work at my full-time job, I am working on the fund. Unfortunately, most of the time I have to be off for many hours to take my mother to doctor's appointments, or chemotherapy treatments.

She doesn't speak English and she needs translator with her all the time. I am not able to pay for translator or care giver; therefore I have to be with her all the time. In the same time I have to go to work, so me and my mother can keep the roof above our heads and pay the bills. Juggling between doctors appointments, biopsies, chemotherapy, emergency room, constant trips to the pharmacy, grocery store, cooking, and laundry and full time jobs - do I have any time to think how I do feel?

However, I do think and wonder will it be too much traffic on the way from my work in Woodland Hill to Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles; will I make it on time for the doctor appointment; will my mother have pain; or how I am going to pay for the super expensive medications necessary for her treatment.

And after all when we get home late in the evening I have to worry how I am going to convince my insensitive, young, selfish and careless neighbors that in 11 p.m. we need to get some sleep. People tell me that I am doing a lot for my mother. I think what I am doing is only normal to do for your parent, for your family. My mother is the reason I am here on the Earth and this is my choice to be there for her when she needs me. I learned that family is not only receiving love, but giving as well. You help each other, you support each other, and you are there for each other in good and bad.

Furthermore, lately being with my mother when she is battling with the deadly cancer, I learned that there are so many different types of people in the world. I learned that my friends and acquaintances are so different and they have so many different personalities. I guess now I have seen more of their personalities than before.

Some are very, very supportive in a very honest way, and they feel my pain. Some are supportive because they think that is what I expected them to be and that is what they suppose to be. Some just pretend that they care. Some are too busy to call or ask. Some got tired and do not want to deal with me, who, lately have been talking only about chemotherapy treatments and doctor appointments. Some disappeared slowly because they have they own lives to live and want to enjoy life instead of dealing with me, who, has sick mother.

I am not judging anyone. If one needs to be judged that is me. How did it happen that I dated a person who felt in the last category?

Unfortunately, I could not be self observed and enjoy life while my mother is battling with cancer. Maybe I expected too much from some of my friends. But, when one door closes, other door opens. I have opened the door of the Temple Beth Emet, the best door that I have ever opened. I am sure down the road there are some other people who would not be tired to listen to me talking about chemotherapy and doctors.

I am sure that there are some other doors to be opened in my personal life, as well and in my professional live. I learned that when you have support from your family and community, gives you strain not to be scared and gives you ability to look at the future and hope for the best, because the best is yet to come. Sometime when the clouds are touching the Earth, there is the sun somewhere behind, waiting for the right moment to bring brightness and happiness. We should not be alone while we are waiting for the brightness to come.